Rangin's mouth gapes open slightly. His earlier conversation with Johnson suddenly makes a little more sense. He places his hand over hers on his knee. "Yes, it does make me happy, but you honestly didn't need to call in a favour, especially if you now owe him a favour..." Rangin pauses as what Kylah said slowly registers. "...Just what [I]kind[/I] of favour did you give up for this meal?" 

He slowly releases Kylah's hand and places it back in his own lap. "Kylah, I'm flattered that you would want to do something like that for me, truly I am, but I thought you said you wanted to keep this private for the moment?" 

* * *

"I do not know what kind of favor, he only said I would enjoy it. It should not worry you." Kylah's stomach seems to be sinking to her knees. Nothing she does seems to be right. Another layer of bricks has heightened the wall between them. "And yes, I did want this to be private, but I thought... I thought a gesture like this would be worth sharing just a little of the truth with Mr. Johnson. All he knows is that I care about you."

Then the thought occurs to her. "Do [I]you[/I] want to keep this a secret?" She swallows back a rising sense of panic. "Do you--do you fear that people will think less of you for being with me? Because they think you are merely one of many?" Her voice drops to a whisper. "Because [I]you[/I] think you are merely one of many?"

* * * 

Rangin looks on baffled as to where Kylah is taking this and recoils slightly. "I...I have no problems with us being together, where did you get the idea otherwise? I want to be with you, to learn more about you, to be happy together, to have no secrets between us." The words turn to ashes in his mouth as he says them. Perhaps...perhaps in the fullness of time it could occur, if Kylah is truly someone he can trust implicity with everything.

But then he remembers OCIII and Jan and her reluctance to tell him about it. She had been with that stranger, that much was almost a given. The horrible thought slowly rises and makes him feel sick: [I]am I just one of many?[/I] He takes a deep breath and looks into her eyes, trying to work out what she is thinking. "I thought you wanted us to be together as a couple, I didn't think I was one of many and I can't understand why you would say that. Am I?" 

* * *

His backing away only makes Kylah more desperate to be closer. And then he asks the question, the question she [I]knows[/I] he has been thinking. "I said that because I saw how you looked at me, because I heard what you implied about Graham and Johnson being in my room, and because--because of how you have acted ever since that last night on the planet."

Leaning forward, Kylah reaches to cradle his face in her hands. "Velir. You are not one of many. You are alone. And if--when--something happens, you will be the first one whom I have ever--" She chokes and her eyelids flutter down, hiding him from her. "I mean... I [I]wish[/I] you could have been the first." 

She opens her eyes again, terror of losing him and determination mingling to drive her beyond reason. "I will show you," she whispers, and moves over him to press herself against him, kissing him with trembling lips, whispering his name in a plea. When he does not react, she feels like sobbing. [I]I have lost him, I have lost the one person in my life who has ever cared for me...[/I]

Wordlessly she pulls back, just inches away. She is not ready for this, but neither is she ready to lose him. Her hands lower to her belt, somehow clumsily pulling it loose and, as she gulps for air and strength, lets the satin material fall from her shoulders. Kylah keeps her eyes open for now, because if she closes them she knows she will be back in that hotel suite, and it will be Jan's hands untying her halter top, Jan's eyes drinking in her bare flesh. 

"Velir, please..." Her robe exposing half of her to him, Kylah takes hold of his hands and lifts them, urging them toward her body. "Please let me show you what you mean to me." She embraces him, kissing him in a fog of longing and dread. Part of her has no idea how she will react if he still does not touch her. 

And part of her, the part that remains trapped in that hotel room, has no idea how she will react if he does.

* * *

As Rangin watches her open her robe again and feels her hands pull his across to her chest, he inhales sharply. He can't help but accede to her request. He gently caresses one incredibly soft breast, feeling her react before slipping his hands behind her back and kissing her deeply while he holds her close. His throat has gone dry. He has wanted to be next to her for so long... Astonishingly, it seems she has obviously decided now is a good time. 

He slowly starts to kiss down the side of her neck, enjoying the taste of her smooth skin and breathing in the new, intoxicating scent she's wearing. The kisses became more urgent and harder as he leans her backwards and starts working his way down her chest, his gaze drinking in what there had only been glimpses of before. 

After a few moments and now breathing deeply, he relaxes and looks back up at her, one hand now idly curling itself through her hair and the other stroking down one arm. "Are you sure?"

* * * 

Kylah is gently pulled down to her bed, and she has never been so elated yet so miserable in her life. She keeps reminding herself: His hands are not Jan's, his kisses are not Jan's. The tongue tasting her skin and teasing her, making her breathing even more shallow, is not Jan's. Nor is his question:

[I]Are you sure?[/I]

She cannot say no. Not because spores are forcing her to; not even because Velir's own desire is influencing her, although she can sense it, and physically feels it as well. But because she [I]has[/I] to prove that what happened with Jan was not important, not nearly as important as what she and Velir have. [I]Act. Act. Play the role. You have played roles all your life, why is this different?[/I] 

Kylah shuts her eyes at last and increases her ardor, clutching Velir's soft hair, pulling his face upwards towards her mouth. "Yes," she shudders, but pretends it is yearning for him. "Velir, please. I want you." She says this while her lips are trailing down his temple, and repeats it--"I want you"--when she feels his hand moving from her breast down to caress her soft waist, then her hip, before slowly, inevitably, moving between her legs. 

Her eyes squeeze tighter and, into his ear, she whispers in a near sob: [I]"I... I love you."[/I]

* * *

Rangin blinks as his mind is torn away by Kylah's words. It feels as if someone has dumped a bucket of cold water all over him. He can only think of one other person who's said that in this position, and he has to check himself to make he hasn't gone back several years, that it is Kylah lying right by him. 

His roaming hand stops and returns to her hip as he looks up and down her body now fully disrobed on the bed. She is beautiful indeed, her curves and smoothness of her skin, lying there with a slight sheen of sweat glistening in the light. But the more he struggles with his thoughts, the more the sense stays with him that something just feels [I]wrong.[/I] 

Is this what she really wants? Or is he just being played once again for the fool in following his desires? He promised himself he would never do it again, but here he is, in the same situation. Memories of joy, desire, anguish and pain cross his mind, and Rangin shudders.

He still doesn't know her, she isn't telling him anything, is she lying again? It is obvious she's slept with Jan, and so quickly after they met... Is Rangin so similar, will he end up in the same situation? No, he's been there before a long time ago and he doesn't want a part of it. Not...not until he knows her better. Knows who this Ensign Kylah [I]is[/I].

It is what he said only a few days ago, and what has changed since then? Nothing. She hasn't explained, hasn't revealed anything, and now she is trying to trap him. Just like he had been before.

Rangin pulls back and sits up, removing his hands from Kylah, "I'm sorry, I can't, not now. I...I should go, this is wrong." Before she can react, he moves from her side off the bed and crouches on the floor before picking himself up. "[I]You love me.[/I] I so want to believe that, but...do you? So soon? I know you care, but love is more than that. It's also about trust. But you don't trust me, you keep asking me to wait before you'll open up to me about whatever went on. Why, if you truly love me?

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have let it get this far. And you were right after all, I [I]should[/I] have waited. Waited to know more about you, waited for you to tell me what happened, waited and not rushed in like an idiot thinking of only one thing."

Shaking his head in self-recrimination, he murmurs "I had better go" as he rises to leave for the door.

* * *

Kylah's entire body runs cold, awash with mortification. She pulls the robe around her, so stunned and wounded she can only croak his name, first once, then twice, each time more hoarsely. But Velir is out the door and gone. 

She sits up slowly and just stares at the floor. Everything she did, everything she said: wrong. He says she does not trust [I]him[/I]. Look what she just did for him. She has never before exposed so much to any man, not of her own free will. [I]I have bared myself to him and he thinks it is nothing. A mere game.[/I]  No, it is Velir Rangin who cannot trust [I]her[/I]. Maybe he is right, in the big picture. But not now. Not about this.

Strangely she does not cry. She just sits, she does not know how long.  Finally an incongruous thought occurs to her, and she slowly reaches for her communicator.

Her fingers type out the message she does not dare attempt to speak aloud:  [I]JOHNSON, ANDREW: Please do not bring the food to my quarters. It is for Mr. Rangin. Deliver it to him. Thank you very much. KYLAH[/I]

Then, tossing the communicator back on the dresser, she pulls the bedcovers over her and curls into a tight ball of self-loathing. At last she begins to sob, and when there are no more tears left, she falls asleep.